There was a golfer from Verdun
Who was not to be outdone.
To avoid glitches
He carried spare britches
In case he got a hole in one.
There once was a lady, Ilene,
Who lived on distilled kerosene,
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
and since then she'd never benzene
There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a college professor.
The once was a woman named Pat
Who just ate butter and sat;
She withered away
Until one day
Nothing was left butter fat.
By beauty I am not a star.
There are others more handsome by far.
My face I don't mind it.
Because I'm behind it.
It's the people in front that I jar.
There was a young fellow of Leeds
Who swallowed six packets of seeds.
In a month, silly ass,
He was covered with grass,
And he couldn't sit down for the weeds.
Once in the rain I saw a man,
Strolling with an umbrella in hand.
When I said it was insane
To walk in the rain,
He said "Well then, I'll just stand".
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.